An MBA’s Mother Tongue-Part-3

This jargon gets so ingrained in the inmates of the Symbiosis Knowledge Village that those mundane conversations that otherwise would happen in such uncivilised languages as English or Hindi take place in jargon.

Exhibit No.:1

Prof.: I don’t understand this. Why do you all of avoid sitting in the front rows at the centre of the class?

Student: Sir, it reflects the natural tendency of any distribution to spread about the mean without having any sample at the exact mean position. It also reflects the human tendency to avoid the path of direct attack.

Translation in English: Sir, you stand in front of the centre column. No one wants to be sitting ducks in front of you. We all need to sleep, play games or chat on gtalk.

This example exhibits how jargon can be used to save one’s skin when faced with an impossible situation. Another example of the same is when a student is ill prepared for a presentation. Usually, it is never ONE single student. All SIBM MBAs undertake such dangerous tasks as presentations, assignments (and sometimes semester exams) in herds of the largest denomination. A herd size of ten is most appropriate. Since, the herd always lacks an alpha male (or female); all individuals of the herd tend to appear unprepared for the presentation. The sole exception, we are told, are the herds from the Finance clan. There are rumours that they prepare themselves rather well especially for tasks given by a certain demi-god worshipped unequivocally by the entire Finance tribe of SIBM. However, there is no conclusive evidence that they have ever achieved much success in pleasing the said deity.

The classic case known to this author is the Operations clan. All members of the clan are exceptionally proficient at jargon, rivalled only perhaps by the Marketing and a few members of the HR tribes. Consequently, the operations tribesmen (yes, tribesmen, they have no tribeswomen) rarely prepare en avance for any presentation. However, their skill at jargon more than compensates for the near-absolute absence of subject matter.